Couples and individuals who participate in the 12 hour program experience a wide range of problems and require different treatment goals. There are three levels of couples’ conflicts.

• At a minimal level couples have been in conflict for a short time and aren’t sure how to manage their disagreements or the relationship. They have a good life with their partners but have begun to argue over things like child raising, spending money, lack of sex, not enough time together, interference from family or friends, or similar problems that never seem to get resolved.

• At a moderate level others have been in conflict for more than six months. They have the same kinds of problems as group one but have gridlocked over their problems and often are struggling to find some balance of power in the relationship. They may have given up on obtaining agreement in some areas of their life together such as spending money or frequency of sex. Some couples have endured conflict for so long that they rarely speak to each other, spend very little time enjoying mutual activities, haven’t shared sex or even verbal intimacy for some time. Often these couples live parallel lives sharing the same house but little else.

• At an extreme level are those couples where infidelity, violence, or other forms of betrayal have occurred and they don’t know how to forgive and reconcile their conflicting thoughts, feelings, and actions. Often children are involved and are seriously affected by the ongoing discord and lack of familial harmony. Attorneys may have been engaged and divorce papers filed.

I want to be clear with all prospective clients of the 12 Hours program that learning how to manage and enjoy your relationships better can be very quick to learn but difficult to master. It takes practice to develop and blend your style of being in a relationship with a life partner's style.

This program will help anyone and is likely to be all that couples at levels one or two need. At level three in-person counseling is important if you want to stay together and make progress. No couple can improve a relationship unless they are willing to suspend intense anger and defensiveness temporarily and can talk honestly about their problems.

Think of this as a private, safe, and supportive place to learn to solve your relationship problems. What you learn here studying each of my 12 modules will not only improve your marriage or dating satisfaction but will also improve all your loving relationships including parenting, extended family activities, friendships, associations with coworkers, and how well you treat yourself.

12 Hours to a Great Relationship for Couples
Gives You Maximum Rewards at Minimum Cost

Many of my counseling associates use segments from this program as homework assignments as I do when seeing clients in face-to-face sessions. There are a number of advantages of using the program over relying exclusively on live counseling sessions.

• 12 sessions with a couples counselor may cost anywhere from $360 to $1,800. The 12 Hour program costs a fraction of this amount. This provides substantial savings of money for every client.

• The program makes relationship improvement possible for people who either cannot afford counseling, who live at a great distance from a counselor, or those who travel a lot and have difficulty coordinating counseling time with their partners.

• It typically takes an hour or two of travel each session to visit a counselor in person. The home based program results in significant savings of valuable time.

• The entire program takes place in the privacy of your own home. There is no danger of embarrassing meetings with friends or coworkers at the counselor’s office.

• The program resides in your home library as a ready resource for review whenever you and your partner have further difficulties and need a little refresher course in any topic area.

• A huge advantage is that if your partner refuses to go to counseling you can affordably and efficiently learn all of the 12 essential processes and practice them in your relationship. The changes you make in your behaviors will impact on how your partner responds. Like ripples in a pond when you improve your relationship skills everyone around you is affected for the better also.

The 12 Essential Processes are Taught
by Many Master Counselors

My inspiration to develop this program came from a survey I did of publications from all master couple's counselors. Every one of them using their own approach and terminology addresses the same life "processes" whether they are doing ongoing counseling with couples or leading a weekend workshop. I've included these 12 processes in my online program. Let’s preview the 12 processes by which you’ll learn to develop better relationships:

Hour 1: Evaluating your relationship as a system so you can evaluate what’s working and not working within the larger context of your lives and the world you live in. Is it fulfilling for you and your partner as the best life available to you? Review your relationship formally using two scientific assessments, one on satisfaction and the other on commitment. Which areas of your shared life are strengths and which are challenging weaknesses?

Hour 2: Becoming ready for change to enhance outcomes in your relationship and all areas of your life.

Hour 3: Communicate clearly and directly with your partner with mutual respect and admiration. This includes learning to access subconscious thoughts and feelings to better know each other and learn where the real problems lie.

Hour 4: Connecting with each other in ways that validate each person, promote affection and harmony, and improve cooperation in the entire family.

Hour 5: Practicing good leadership and sub-leadership with flexible roles and rules that promote effective progress.

Hour 6: Creating healthy boundaries for each individual, the couple, and the whole family which promote cooperation in mutual goals as well as individual wants and needs.

Hour 7: Managing your family of origin socialization and how it creates different expectations and conflict within your relationship. You’ll be able to better dialog with your partner and choose your own path rather than following programmed and often conflicting rules from each of your birth families.

Hour 8: Solution building in order to manage your problems and learn conflict resolution. Both ongoing problems and immediately solvable problems can be dealt with better with ground rules for managing emotions including anger, fear, and sadness. Learn to recognize and manage tendencies to try to avoid conflict or fail to deal with problems openly. You’ll develop collaborative solution-building skills that target what needs to be changed and how to most effectively manage change.

Hour 9: Managing your issues, those of your partner, and events that trigger negative and harmful responses.

Hour 10: Managing larger systems like extended family and friends, community resources, work places, and government agencies for help and rewards that further your personal and family goals.

Hour 11: Expressing affection including improved sensual and sexual approaches that lead to a better love relationship.

Hour 12: Forgiving and committing to work on the relationship as the vessel that carries you and your partner through your life journey together. Learn how to practice maintenance and repair of your relationship including the effective use of forgiveness when needed.

The 12 Hours to a Great Relationship Program Is Taught by Methods That Promote Optimal Results

I call this training method the “Tell Me, Show Me, Let Me Do It” method. I’ve described the need to learn and what you’ll learn in this program. Now let’s look at how you’ll learn the 12 essential processes for developing great relationships.

Not all teaching methods are equally effective. When you attend a lecture you are being told about something. Research by the U.S. Departmen of Labor in 1996 showed that listeners remembered only 10% of what they were told after 3 days. When they were shown examples the same research revealed 35% retention. With both visual and auditory learning were combined the retention rate zoomed to 65%. When learners actually reproduced the skills they learned with their own minds and bodies they remembered over 80% after 3 days. So by combining all of these strategies in what I call the Tell Me, Show Me, Let Me Do It style of training you can be sure you'll get the maximum effect from my training and follow-up practice exercises.

My purpose in developing this training program is to help as many couples and individuals as possible to improve their relationships. I want to see people enjoying their lives, their friendships, and their loved ones. I want you to have great relationships. When couples come to see me with painful relationships I share the pain from their numerous problems. Poor relationships contribute to many of our national ills including painful divorces, children without two supportive parents, drug or alcohol dependency, and loss of work productivity and income. This deplorable situation has become an epidemic in our country as well as others.

I am dedicated as a counselor and an instructor to help couples turn their compromised relationships into great ones whenever possible.

Please address any questions to:
kyle@12hourstoagreatrelationship.com

The Couple's Advocate is published biweekly and is FREE. Each issue contains a specific couple's conflict with analysis and suggestions for creating solutions. You may forward it to friends and family. You may re-use the articles for educational purposes as long as you reference the author, Kyle Laxson, at 12 Hours to a Great Relationship.

Are you tired of complaining to your partner, family, and friends about your relationship? Does it resemble one of the three problem relationships mentioned in my welcome message?

Maybe it's time to stop complaining and do something about it.

Have I got an offer for you!

If you agree to be in my 6 week research program you will receive:

1. The training manual, 12 Weeks to a Great Relationship by downloading and saving to a CD or DVD or by printout.
2. Six weeks of skills training.
3. Support by email or telephone as you need help from me as your group facilitator.
4. Membership in the Couples Forum discussion group for further support from others with problems similar to yours.
5. Assessment results emailed to you at 4 time points in the training to show your progress.

All research is conducted online so you will not have to drive to a counseling office saving time, fuel, and the bother of traffic.

Why am I doing this?

I'm near the end of my doctoral training in psychology. I've designed research to fully test the effectiveness of my 12 Hours to a Great Relationship training program. I want scientific proof of evidence to share with the 90% of couples who never seek help either because it is too expensive for them or they don't believe they can be helped by a low-cost online method like this. I need research participants and the best ones for this project are couples who are currently experiencing real problems, just as you and your partner may have problems you'd like to resolve.

After you read the information on my research page send me an email stating that you would like to be in the research program or call and leave a message at (303) 351-8926. Include your names and phone numbers and I'll call you for an interview to answer all your questions.

Only couples who meet the criteria on the research page of this site will be accepted for the program. I am seeking 60 couples total.

It may help you to decide if you go to my documents page and read some of the articles I've posted there about the benefits of healthy relationships and how to build them.

Please address an email stating your interest and any questions about either the research or training programs to:

kyle@12hourstoagreatrelationship.com or simply use the messages form at the top of this column and I'll get your message.